It should've been me
by Symphonyonmute
Summary: "What would he do without John? Who would he be without John? And Sherlock realized that he didn't want to know a life without John. And being this close to John, oh how he wanted to stay like this, disappear in John's strong arms and stay like this forever."
1. Chapter 1

The phone kept ringing. Why did it ring now? I really don't wanna answer. Stop it. Sherlock was sitting on his chair with his arms around his legs feeling irritated. That bloody phone had been ringing all day. It's probably Mycroft. And I don't want to talk to him. He probably wants me to help him with that case. But I talked to him about it yesterday and I'm not interested. It's up in Wales, and the drive and the distance... Too much effort. I declined already. Why can't he do anything himself? Mycroft said it was an important case but I didn't listen to be honest. He needs to do something himself. Why come to me? And he's gaining weight again, he needs to move more. It's good for him. No. I don't wanna talk to Mycroft today. Not today. Today I feel like sitting still and solving problems. But the fact Sherlock had to face was that there wasn't anything to solve. Nothing. You should've taken that case, a voice said to him. He shook his head. No, that's Mycroft's doing. It had been quiet though, for days. But not really quiet when that bloody phone kept ringing.

\- John, can you turn the phone off?

No answer.

\- John?

No answer again and Sherlock realized that John wasn't home. He was at her place again, what's her name? Annie? Sophie? Maria? Sherlock stopped. What am I doing? Why am I trying to remember her name? Sherlock shook his head again. That's not worth remembering. She's gonna be gone soon anyway, like the others. The phone rang once more. If that phone would just stop ringing it would be great thank you. That's the 17th call today. Maybe I'll answer when it gets to 25?

It rang again. And again. And again. Sherlock started to feel the anger picking away inside of him. It tingled under his skin. Picking. It rang again. And again.

\- If you ring one more time I swear to god I'll throw you out of the window, Sherlock shouted to the phone!

And the phone rang again. Sherlock stood up and grabbed the phone, opened the window and threw the phone outside. He looked down and saw the pieces of the smashed phone on the street. Ahh, finally some peace and quiet. He felt pleased with himself as he went back to the chair. But it had only been a few minutes when he heard a knock on the door. If I don't respond, they will go away, he thought.

\- Sherlock, are you in there? He heard Mrs Hudson's voice on the other side of the door.

\- Go away! Sherlock growled.

\- William Sherlock Scott Holmes. Open this bloody door!

\- But I don't want to.

\- Do as I say!

Sherlock rolled his eyes, got up from his chair, opened the door and let Mrs Hudson in. She looked very concerned which made Sherlock feel strange. Why is she looking at me like that? I don't like it.

\- Oh Sherlock, she said.

\- What is it?

\- I really don't know how to tell you this, she said.

\- What's going on? Is John alright?

\- He's fine dear. Don't you worry about him.

\- Oh... But if he's fine, what's going on then?

\- Your mother called me Sherlock. She's been trying to get in touch with you all day, but you haven't picked up the phone.

\- I don't have a phone anymore.

\- What?

\- It was best for both me and the phone, Sherlock said.

\- Oh, how you're talking Sherlock. We should sit down.

\- Why?

\- Cause I have something to tell you.

\- You can tell me while I stand up.

\- I think you really should sit down Sherlock, Mrs Hudson said.

It's there again Sherlock thought. That expression on her face. She looks so sad and concerned. Why is she looking at me like that? I don't like it. John, make it stop. Make it go away.

\- I prefer to stand up.

\- Oh alright, you're so stubborn Sherlock.

Mrs Hudson took a deep breath.

\- There has been an accident...

Mrs Hudson talked on but it was fuzzy in Sherlock's brain. Sherlock's first thought was John. But then he realized that Mrs Hudson had said that he was fine.

\- Mycroft... she continued

Brother. He felt his body go numb. Oh god, what have you done? Mrs Hudson was quiet now. Has she explained it all? Why couldn't I hear the words?

\- What... what happened? Sherlock said plainly

\- Oh Sherlock. Didn't you hear me? There's been an accident. Mycroft was on his way up to Wales when he lost control of his car. It swerved onto to the wrong side of the road, one car drove into his car and then it crashed into a tree. It didn't even look like a car in the end.

Sherlock stared in front of him. Trying to cope with this information.

\- Mycroft?

\- It looks bad Sherlock. He's in the hospital now. You're parents are there. He's in a coma and they don't know if he's gonna make it. Too much trauma to the body. That's all I know I'm afraid.

Sherlock continued to stare in front of him. Standing perfectly still.

\- Oh Sherlock. I am so sorry, Mrs Hudson said, is there anything I can do for you?

Sherlock shook his head slowly, still staring in front of him.

\- Do you want me to stay with you?

Sherlock shook his head again.

\- Are you sure? Mrs Hudson asked

\- I want you to leave, he said quietly.

Mrs Hudson looked at him, concerned.

\- If that's what you want I'll leave you alone. I'm downstairs if you need me.

She turned around and walked slowly to the door. In the doorway she stopped and turned around.

\- I am really sorry Sherlock.

When Sherlock didn't respond she went outside and closed the door. Inside the room Sherlock's head started to spin. Mycroft's been in an accident. Maybe he won't make it. "It should've been you in that car", a voice told him. "If you hadn't declined that case he would've been fine. It's all your fault Sherlock." Sherlock started to spin around with his hands tightened. He put his hand up on his face then up in his hair and pulled it hard, like he wanted the voice to disappear. "It's your fault, your fault. If you hadn't been so stubborn in the first place." Sherlock started to rock his body back and forth. He made noises, moaned, squealed and growled. But he didn't notice that himself. "It should be you in that hospital. You!" Sherlock couldn't move, he couldn't function. He ended up on the floor, curled up hugging his legs and rocking back and forth. It should've been me, he thought. They're right. It's my fault. If I hadn't declined the case Mycroft wouldn't have been on his way to Wales. It's my fault. It should've been me. It should've been me. It should've been me. It should've been me...

It had turned dark in the room when Sherlock heard the door open. He was still sitting on the floor with his arms wrapped around his legs, his head on his lap and rocking back and forth. He had lost the track of time. He didn't feel anything. Something wet had been running down his cheeks, maybe it had stopped now? But he was empty inside. He didn't even look up when he heard the door open. He didn't care. Mycroft was in a coma and it was all his fault. It should've been me.

\- Oh my God, Sherlock.

It was a familiar voice, John's voice. But Sherlock didn't move. He was stuck and didn't know how he was able to live with himself after this. It's my fault. It should've been me. He heard John's footsteps walking towards where he was sitting. Then he felt John's hand on his shoulder.

\- Sherlock, are you ok? Can you hear me?

Sherlock didn't respond. He wasn't able to. But when he felt the warmth from John's hand on his shoulder he leaned against it slightly. But still he wasn't able to look up. It should've been me.

\- Sherlock. Please say something.

John's hand started to slowly stroke him on his back, spreading the warmth in his cold and empty body. He leaned against it, wanted the warmth, needed the warmth - needed John.

\- I heard about Mycroft... I am so sorry Sherlock.

The words made the wet start to run down his cheeks again. John was now sitting in front of him and held both his arms around him. John was quiet now. And Sherlock felt the warmth from John's body on his legs and the warmth from his arms and hands on his back. His head was resting against John's chest. And slowly Sherlock started to relax. His muscles that once were tense and frozen started to feel the warmth and relax. His body didn't rock back and forth anymore. His fists weren't tightened. John stroked his hand over his back. And slowly Sherlock became aware of how close they were sitting. He started to become aware of John's body tight against his own. John was comforting him, helping him. Something tingled inside him, touched his heart. What would he do without John? Who would he be without John? And Sherlock realized that he didn't want to know a life without John. And being this close to John, oh how he wanted to stay like this, disappear in John's strong arms and stay like this forever. But he couldn't act on feelings around John. He'd always kept his feelings hidden, deep inside. But now...? Who cares? Mycroft was in the hospital, maybe he's dead...? Sherlock didn't care. Did he care about anything in this world? Yes he cared about John Watson. The John Watson that was holding him tight in his arms right now. Slowly Sherlock moved, a small move, not to scare John away. He still wanted to stay like this, he just wanted to feel him more. He moved his head and soon his cheek was against John's. The warmth from John's bare skin against his hit him and moved something somewhere deep inside. He should move away now, but he didn't. Instead he moved his head closer against John's face. He closed his eyes and let his lips find John's. He kissed John slowly, moved his lips against his, feeling his soft lips. It only lasted for a few seconds, because John moved away from him. Stared at him. But did not say a word and did not let go, he still held his arms around Sherlock. Sherlock stared back but he didn't reflect on the fact that he had kissed John. He just looked at John and then he crawled back into his arms and stayed there for what seemed like an eternity at least. And then slowly he fell asleep


	2. Chapter 2

John's head was spinning. When Sherlock had started to move he'd expected that maybe Sherlock was ready to talk about the situation with Mycroft, but not kiss him. Sherlock Holmes had kissed him. John stared at Sherlock. Sherlock looked so fragile and John wasn't able to leave him in this state, how could he? He kept his arms around Sherlock's body. Sherlock just looked back at him, his face was close, his eyes were red from crying and quite empty from lack of food and anxiety. With a sigh Sherlock crawled back inside his arms. John kept his arms tightly around Sherlock, but kept on staring in front of him, still feeling how Sherlock's lips had felt against his own. And to be honest, he'd liked it. But it had taken him by surprise. His head continued spinning. He'd never thought that Sherlock would be able to feel anything. He knew that Sherlock cared about his family and his friends, but to feel something more... It must've been this situation that had made Sherlock do it. Mycroft in a coma, it must've messed with Sherlock's head. He wasn't aware of what he'd been doing. It was just the situation, John thought. But it left John with thoughts and feelings he'd not been ready to deal with. John had been in relationships with men before. The first had been in the army, with Major Sholto. It had been his first experience with a man. And after that he had had some relationships with men over the years, he'd always felt comfortable being with men. But still he had gone back to women every time. Why? He didn't really know. He liked both genders. It was the personality, not the gender that mattered. And Sherlock was the biggest, most brilliant person he'd met in his life. He was his best friend. And he had always found him attractive and interesting, but nothing more. Nothing more? No, he didn't have feelings for Sherlock. That's insane, John thought. But still, he had enjoyed the kiss. Enjoyed it so much that he really wanted it to happen again. And this fact was a lot to take in for John. In his arms he felt Sherlock fall asleep. John stayed and held him for a while. Then he carefully laid him on the floor, went to get a pillow and a blanket and tucked him in. John lay down on the sofa to be close to Sherlock, in case he woke up and needed him. Before he fell asleep he touched his lips absentmindedly, a reminder of where Sherlock's lips had been.

The next morning when Sherlock woke up his whole body ached. He looked as bad as he felt and knew that he'd been sleeping on the floor all night. It had often happened before when he'd been on drugs, but it hadn't happened in a long time. Why am I on the floor now? Sherlock sat up and stretched his aching body. What happened to me yesterday? He looked around and saw John on the sofa, still sleeping. He looked so peaceful when he was sleeping. Sherlock followed each and every line on his face and smiled to himself. When his eyes reached John's mouth the memory of kissing him returned to Sherlock. What did I do? Did I kiss John Watson? I promised myself I would never to do that. But yes, I kissed him. John's lips, oh they felt so sweet against my own. Why did I give in to temptation? Since that day he saved me by killing the cabbie I knew that I had feelings for him. He's the first person to see me and actually stay, actually like me for who I am. But acting on my feelings isn't something I'm supposed to do. Caring is not an advantage. That's what I've heard all of my life and that's what I've been living by. And after all, John isn't gay, he doesn't see me that way. But I kissed him. And he didn't leave. He didn't return the kiss, but he didn't leave. Why didn't he leave? He stayed and took care of me so maybe I didn't screw up. But why did he take care of me? Then everything came back to him, Mycroft is in hospital, in a coma and it's my fault. It should've been me.

The sun streaked in through the window and hit John's peaceful face. He frowned when the light hit him and woke up. He looked at Sherlock and smiled. He smiled at me, maybe I didn't screw up?

\- You're awake, John said.

\- Yes.

\- You should've woken me.

\- You looked so peaceful, I didn't want to wake you, Sherlock said

Peaceful, what? Why did you say that? Poor choice of words. Don't embarrass yourself now. Don't make it worse. Sherlock shook his head. John pushed himself up and was now sitting. Sherlock felt John's eyes examine his every move.

\- Great, good. Did you get any sleep?

\- Yes.

Sherlock didn't look him in the eye.

\- That's good. How are you feeling?

\- I won't answer that, you're not my doctor.

\- Well technically I am.

\- No, you're my army doctor, and I still won't answer that.

\- That's fine then.

Sherlock looked up at John and their eyes met. John didn't lower his eyes, he just looked at Sherlock. Sherlock tried to see any trace of John wanting to talk about the kiss, any trace of wanting to run away or any trace of regrets. But John only smiled and in his eyes there weren't any traces of regret or confusion, just... love? For him? This confused Sherlock. Why does he care about me? After what I did? I'm the reason Mycroft's in a coma. I kissed John. Why is he staying? I'm not worth it, he shouldn't be staying!

\- Breakfast then? John said smiling. He stood up and started to walk out to the kitchen

\- Not hungry, Sherlock replied, also standing up.

\- You need to eat before we go to the hospital, John said from the kitchen.

\- The hospital?!

Sherlock froze mid movement.

\- Yes, we need to go and visit your brother.

\- No. I can't do that.

\- Why the hell are you saying that?

John turned and stood in front of him.

\- Because... Sherlock began. Because...

John looked at him, pouting. Stop it, Sherlock thought looking at John's mouth, that's distracting.

\- Just because! Sherlock said promptly.

\- That's not a reason, John said and now he crossed his arms over his chest.

\- Yes it is.

\- No it's not Sherlock Holmes.

It had now become a staring competition between them, both stubborn, both wanting to win.

\- Tell me the real reason Sherlock Holmes.

\- No.

\- Just do it Sherlock.

\- Oh, ok. But if I do, you can't force me to eat breakfast.

\- Ok, but then you can't refuse dinner!

\- Deal!

\- Deal.

John stood there patiently waiting for Sherlock's explanation. He had his eyes fixed on Sherlock. Sherlock looked down. When I tell him he'll hate me, he'll leave, I'll be alone. I can't do alone again. Alone kills me. Alone is what I fear. But I promised John I'd tell him. And then I don't have to eat breakfast.

\- It's my fault that Mycroft is in the hospital, Sherlock said slowly and quietly

\- What? John said and now he really looked concerned.

\- I said that it's my fault! Sherlock growled at John who took a step back.

\- Easy Sherlock, I can hear you just fine.

John walked up to Sherlock who now was shaking, feeling the anger, the pain and the agony from yesterday rushing back in his body. John put his hands on Sherlock's arms and then he stroked them to calm Sherlock down. When Sherlock had relaxed a bit John took hold of his hands and squeezed them gently.

\- It's not your fault Sherlock. It was an accident.

Sherlock looked down, still trembling but keeping a firm grip on John's hands. Please don't leave me.

\- Yes it is...

\- Why do you say so?

John squeezed his hands, Sherlock felt chills down his spine. He took a shivery breath, mainly because John was holding his hands, but to John it looked like he was having trouble talking about the accident.

\- Mycroft...

\- Yes...?

Breath in again.

\- Mycroft offered me a case. I refused and said that he needed to do some things for himself. He was on his way to Wales, where the client lived, when the accident occurred. If I hadn't refused this wouldn't have happen. It should've been me.

\- Oh Sherlock. Don't say that. You know that it wasn't your fault. It's just a coincidence, nothing more.

\- The universe is rarely that lazy.

\- I know Sherlock. But this time it was. It was an accident. And you taking the case wouldn't have stopped it from happening.

\- You don't know that.

\- That's true. But I still know that this wasn't your fault. And Mycroft knows it too. And your parents. No one blames you.

Sherlock looked up and met John's warm and caring eyes. John squeezed his hands again.

\- No one blames me?

\- No one blames you Sherlock. John smiled a warm and gentle smile.

Sherlock squeezed John's hands and John answered the squeeze. Gazing into John's eyes Sherlock's mind was swept away. And before he realized what he was doing he'd leaned in and kissed John again. John's lips felt soft and warm and lovely against his own. He started to move his lips, wanting to feel more this time, and he felt that John was starting to respond the kiss when he backed off and let go off their hands.

\- What the hell are you doing Sherlock?

Sherlock stared at John. Yes, what am I doing? Did I kiss John again? Am I out of my mind? Not only once, but twice in less than 24 hours. Sherlock held his hand over his mouth. John is gonna leave me now for sure. Why isn't he leaving? I screwed up! John stared at him, clearly shocked by the situation.

\- I don't know. I'm sorry John. I'm sorry!

\- Did you just kiss me? Why did you kiss me Sherlock?

\- No! Yes! No! I don't know. I didn't kiss you.

\- It clearly felt like a kiss.

\- It did?

\- Yes it did!

\- Was it good?

\- Oh god Sherlock! Why are you asking that!?

\- I don't know.

\- Me neither!

They looked at each other. Sherlock could not cope with John looking this hurt and confused. I screwed up. I need to disappear. Where can I go?

\- I need a shower...

With that Sherlock rushed to the bathroom and locked the door


	3. Chapter 3

Outside the door stood John, he held a hand on the door. Now I cant blame the state Sherlock was in yesterday for the kiss, he is still unstable yes, but now he has kissed me twice. Two kisses isn't an accident and it ain't by coincidence either. John held a hand over his mouth. And didn't I start to responding to his kiss? Yes, I was. What is going on? What does this mean? You don't kiss a friend like that. But does that mean that Sherlock has feelings for me?

On the other side of the door Sherlock sat on the floor, leaning against the wall close beside the door. He had one hand on the door, as he wanted to open it and walk out to John again. But how could he? I screwed up for real this time. What is wrong with me? Why can't I be inhuman? I don't want to have feelings. I don't want them. Take them away. Please John, take them away. Help me!

He can't have feelings for me. It must be the situation. If i take him to the hospital and let him deal with all the things that's happened to Mycroft, then it all will go back to normal. It's too much all at once. We need to deal with one thing at the time. Let's start with Sherlock meeting Mycroft. I'll help him. I need to. Johns hand was still touching his lips, but he didn't notice that himself. And somewhere inside him a small trembling feeling was starting to grow.

Do I have cigarettes in here? Have I hidden some inside? Or even better, I could climb out the window and get drugs. That would make it all go away. Make it peace and quiet inside. Make the feelings go away. Make the voices disappear. I could make myself disappear too. Case it should've been me. I am the troubled brother. Mycroft is the better Holmes.

John took a deep breath and then he knocked on the door.

\- Sherlock. Please open the door.

No answer. He knocked again.

\- Sherlock. I'm not mad at you. I won't go anywhere. I am still here Sherlock. Please open the door.

Still no answer. John knocked again.

\- Sherlock. If you don't open this door I swear to god I will break it in.

At first there was a silence. But just a few seconds later John heard the lock click and the doorknob was pulled down. John hurried in to Sherlock. Sherlock was still sitting on the floor. He was hiding his face in his hands. John squat in front of Sherlock and laid a hand on his back.

\- Sherlock. Let's not talk about what happened, John said. I'm not leaving you, I'm still here and I still care about you. The important thing right now is for you to go and see Mycroft.

Sherlock looked up at John.

\- But I screwed up... he whispered.

\- No you didn't, John said. Let's forget that for the moment shall we?

\- Ok...

John looked at Sherlock and smiled. How can he be staying? I'm so much trouble and he stays. Oh god, I love him. John stood up and offered Sherlock his hand.

\- Come on, let's get you into the shower.

\- Shower?

\- Yes, you need to refresh yourself. Get up now.

Sherlock took his hand and stood up. He looked at John trying to see if he was mad, trying to see what he felt, what he was thinking. I can see that Johns tense and even though he said that he's there for me he's turning his head away from me. He let go of my hand real quick, like he burned himself. He's clearly uncomfortable. But he stays cause he's worried about me. He said, let's forget it for the moment. There will be a moment when he wants to talk about it. I'm gonna wait for him to be ready. But for the moment, let's just keep calm and act normal. I'm gonna put away all my feelings for him. It's the best for both of us.

\- Hurry up, John said walking out from the bathroom, we need to go to the hospital.

They reached the hospital an hour later. Sherlocks hair was still a bit wet after the shower. John realized that he peaked at him and the wet curls more than once during the cab ride to the hospital. And he realized that he looked at him with different eyes. And a small part of him wanted to reach out and touch those wet curls in the neck. Outside the hospital entrance Sherlock stopped and froze. He looked up at the high wall. This is it. Am I prepared for this? No I am not. I can't. Please John, just take me home again. John was standing higher up in the stairs looking down at him.

\- Come on Sherlock.

\- I... I can't.

\- Yes you can.

\- They will blame me.

\- No one will blame you, I promise. But they will blame you if you don't show up and you will never forgive yourself. So get your ass up the stairs now.

\- Sherlock looked down at his feet and then he took a breath and hurried up the stairs, up to John.

\- See, it wasn't so hard, was it?

Sherlock just smiled and opened the door. Mycroft was in the ICU and the closer they got, the heavier Sherlocks footsteps felt. When they reached the last corridor his feet felt like they were made out of lead. And when they reached Mycrofts room he couldn't believe that he actually still was standing up. The feelings from last night had increased inside him and now they were back. He felt numb and cold and scared to death. John looked him in the eye and nodded slightly, telling him without words that he was there. John pulled down the handle and opened the door. Inside the room Sherlock could see a bed and in the bed lied Mycroft. He was connected to tubes and monitors and one arm and one leg was bandaged. His face was both cut and bruised and he had bandage on his head and over one of his eyes. There was cuts and bruises all over his body, and the skin was more red, blue and purple then pink and healthy. It didn't look like Mycroft. It didn't feel like Mycroft. This all just felt wrong. The wet started to run down his cheeks again and he realized that his mouth was opened and he was breathing fast. Beside the bed sat his mother and his father. Mrs Holmes was holding Mycrofts hand. When the door opened they turned around and faced Sherlock and John. Sherlocks lead feet couldn't move now. He was staring at the bed wanting to escape. It should've been me in that bed. It should've been me. Mrs Holmes stood up.

\- Oh Sherlock, she said and wrapped him in her arms, Sherlock you came.

Sherlock held his arms around his mother and felt the wet on his cheeks falling down in her hair. Mr Holmes came up and patted Sherlock on the back with teary eyes. John took a step in to the room and looked at them. He was moved by the scene but at the same time he was shocked to see Mycroft in this state. He'd been preparing Sherlock for the shock and forgot to prepare himself. Mrs Holmes took Sherlocks hand and together they walked up to Mycroft. Sherlock sat down in the seat that his father had been sitting in before him.

\- I am... I am sorry Mycroft, Sherlock whispered. I should've been there instead of you.

Sherlocks mother didn't say anything about what her youngest son just had said, she knew Sherlock well, she just held Sherlocks hand and cried. Then a silence spread through the room, it was almost unbearable. The air was heavy and John felt like he had trouble breathing. Mr Holmes came up to him.

\- Thank you for bringing him here John, mr Holmes said in a low voice, he wouldn't have shown up if it wasn't for you.

\- No worries, family is important, John replied silently not wanting to disturb the scene by the bed.

\- Yes. And we do consider you too as family, mr Holmes continued.

\- I am flattered mr Holmes but I am only Sherlocks friend.

\- You aren't for him though.

\- What do you mean?

\- He doesn't consider you as 'only his friend', to him you are more than that.

John felt confused. I still don't get it? Does he know about what happened before they got here? Does he know if Sherlock have feelings for me? John tried to read the expression in mr Holmes face just to realize that he must've looked as just confused as he felt because mr Holmes smiled and said.

\- It's more to him than meets the eye you know. And you've helped him to find his true self. Without you he wouldn't have taken the leap towards his emotions. You helped him not to be afraid of his feelings. He still has a long way to go, but without you we might have lost him.

\- But I haven't done anything.

\- You're wrong, you've done everything!

And with those words mr Holmes gave John a pat on the back, smiled a big smile at him and then he turned around to be with his grieving and shattered family


	4. Chapter 4

A week went by and Mycroft was still in a coma. His wounds and bruises started to heal but he didn't wake up. Mr and Mrs Holmes were with him night and day but Sherlock did not visit again. He spent most of his time at home in Baker Street and composed a tune in D Minor. To John's ears it sounded like a funeral tune, and that made his heart feel heavy. They hadn't said a word about those two kisses. And neither of them showed any trace of wanting to. But both of them could feel the tension between them. They both avoided each other as much as possible. Even Mrs Hudson felt that something was up because she looked at them differently.

One afternoon John was sitting in his chair and listening to Sherlock playing the same tune over and over again. Making small changes from time to time. They hadn't had a real conversation in a week. That in itself wasn't something new because Sherlock had his periods of silence. But this silence was new, the way Sherlock looked at him was new and the way that John looked at Sherlock was new, and all of these things frightened John. Why do I keep thinking of those kisses? Why do I keep looking at him like this? I need to stop. I need to move on. It was just confusion on his side. But what about what Mr Holmes said to me? What did he mean? I am too afraid to ask, afraid to know the real reason. Because what if I get my hopes up and then it's nothing. Hopes up? What am I thinking? Look at him, he's not thinking of it. He's perfectly fine. Like he always has been. But why am I feeling weird. Why do I want him to look at me like he did that night. Touch me like he did that night. Kiss me like he did that night. But look at him, those cheekbones and those curls. And those eyes, it's like I'm drowning in his eyes now. Oh, get a grip John Watson!

His phone buzzed, he'd got a text. It was from Lestrade asking him if they wanted to join him for a beer later. Thank god, something normal, something relaxing, to get him out from the apartment so hez could breathe.

\- Greg asked if we want to join him later.

Sherlock stopped playing but didn't turn around to face him.

\- Who?

\- Honestly, how can you not remember his name?

\- Scotland Yard?

\- Yes.

\- Oh. Join him for what? A case?

\- No. Not this time. Join him for a beer.

Sherlock turned around and wrinkled his nose.

\- Not my thing. You go.

Sherlock turned around again and put the violin under his chin again. He placed the bow on the strings and started to play. John looked at him. It's probably better that I go alone. Us drunk together would probably end badly. Then he left the room and went up to his own to change clothes.

Greg Lestrade and John met at the local pub and after a couple of beers talking about old cases and memories Greg looked at John.

\- Are you alright?

John looked up from his beer and became aware that he'd been staring down at the foam for quite a while.

\- Oh, yes. Yes I'm fine.

\- Are you sure about that?

\- Yes, definitely.

Greg looked at him and frowned.

\- Well. I know that face, I've seen it before. You're not fine. What's going on?

\- It's just... Mycroft. I'm so worried about what will happen. And I'm worried about Sherlock.

\- Really?

\- Yes. That's it, nothing else. John said and licked his lips.

Greg frowned again.

\- No. I think you're lying, there's something else going on. Something has happened with you and Sherlock.

\- Why do you say that?

John started to get nervous and licked his lips again.

\- You usually don't shut up about him, his deductions and the cases. And tonight you haven't even mentioned why he didn't come along with you. Something is up.

John sighed and looked down again. Was it so obvious?

\- Yes... Something happened.

\- Did I do my first real deduction then, Greg smiled.

\- You've been hanging out with Sherlock, something must've stuck, John smiled back.

\- So, do you want to talk about it?

\- No. I don't think so...

\- You might feel better afterwards.

John sighed again. He's probably right. Keeping this a secret, keeping it inside is killing me.

\- If I tell you, you need to promise not to judge and not to laugh.

\- Why would I laugh? And who am I to judge?

\- I don't know and... I don't know!

\- See... just tell me.

John couldn't look Greg in the eye as he took a deep breath and said quietly.

\- He kissed me...

Greg looked at John and was silent for a moment.

\- Oh... he said, Oh! Well ok.

Silence for a second, Greg sat stroking his chin.

\- And how do you feel about that? He continued.

\- I don't know...

\- You can be honest with me, Greg said. Cause honestly, I am not that surprised really.

\- You're not?

\- No. I've never seen someone care as much about another person as Sherlock cares about you. He would do anything for you. Anything to make you happy, even if that meant that he'd be unhappy for the rest of his life. He would sacrifice himself to keep you safe. He loves you John. Even a fool can see that.

\- What...?

\- It's true John.

\- But is it love as in "I'm in love" or love as "you're my best friend"?

\- I think it's more than a friendship kind of love, if I'm being really honest.

\- But it's Sherlock! He doesn't feel anything, not like that...

\- Well... he's human.

\- I know but...

\- You're just in denial. The way that he looks at you, I mean, it's obvious really.

\- Is it...?

\- Yes.

\- But why haven't I seen it?

\- Cause it's too close to you.

At this John didn't answer. He was trying to cope with all of this. The evidence is there, right in front of me. Why do I keep denying it? Greg looked at him with concern in his eyes.

\- Are you alright?

\- It's so much to take in...

\- I know.

They sat there in silence for a while. Then Greg stood up, gave John a pat on the back and went to buy them more beer. When he returned he placed a whiskey in front of John. John looked at the whiskey and then up at Greg.

\- You looked like you needed it, Greg said.

\- Thank you, John said and took a deep gulp.

Greg looked at him again. John could see that he wanted to ask him something.

\- What is it?

\- I just realized, we've talked about how Sherlock probably feels about you, but you haven't said a word about how you are feeling about it all.

\- There's no easy answer to that...

\- Do you like him?

\- Yes I do but...

\- Did you like the kiss...

\- Well... kisses...

\- Oh, so there were more of them?

\- Two, yes.

\- Two. Ok. And did you like them?

\- Well... I guess.

\- You did like kissing him?

\- Yes, John sighed it was hard saying it out loud, but at the same time it felt like a relief.

\- Do you want to kiss him again?

Silence. John wanted to lie and say no but...

\- Yes... John sighed. Yes I would like to kiss him again


	5. Chapter 5

It was after midnight when Sherlock stopped playing. He'd lost track of time again. At first he looked out of the window, the street was calm and the sky was dark. He turned around and faced an equally dark and empty apartment. John was still out with... Scotland Yard. Sherlock wasn't sure how he felt about that. He wasn't sure how he felt about anything. He put the violin down in its case and was just going to the kitchen to make a cup of tea when he heard the door open downstairs. Heavy and rumbling footsteps were walking up the stairs, clearly not sober, John was home. Sherlock opened the door to the living room just to see a glimpse of him before he went up to his room. I'm out in deep water if I'm longing for a glimpse of John before he goes to bed, he thought. John stopped on the stairs when he saw Sherlock in the doorway.

\- Hi, John said and licked his lips.

Oh god, why is he licking his lips? He makes it so hard for me not to have feelings for him.

\- Hi, Sherlock replied in a deep, low voice.

\- How are you? John continued.

His eyes on me, deep, dark and intense, that look is different. He's drunk, but is there more to it?

\- I'm fine, Sherlock said. And you?

\- I'm fine, all fine.

John licked his lips again and his eyes grew darker.

\- You're drunk, Sherlock stated.

John chuckled and looked down. He did not answer. He should say something now. Why isn't he saying anything? Why is he looking at me like that? Sherlock didn't like it. He didn't like it when he didn't know what was going on. He wrinkled his eyebrows and decided to leave.

\- Well, goodnight then dr Watson, Sherlock said and started to close the door.

\- Sherlock, wait, John said and hurried up the last steps.

Sherlock stopped closing the door and faced John again. John was now stood right in front of him, Sherlock could feel his warm breath. Sherlock froze, the air became thick and he felt dizzy. John was stood so close. Sherlock cold feel the warmth from his body, could feel something vibrating between them. He'd never felt anything like this. It made him breathless with anticipation. He wanted to reach out and touch his face, feel his skin with his fingertips. John looked him deep in the eyes and Sherlock could feel something moving, bubbling inside his gut. Then John reached out and stroked his hand up Sherlock's neck and up into his hair. Sherlock felt it send chills down his spine and all the hairs on his arms stood up. Funny, how the body reacts to touch, he thought. Then he let go and gave in to his feelings. He leaned slightly against John's touch. John didn't let go of his eyes and slowly he leaned in and kissed him. Slowly, gently and full of desire. This took Sherlock by surprise. What is going on? Is he kissing me? Why? What's happening? But just the feeling of John's lips made his body tremble. And without knowing how they got there, soon his hands were in John's hair too. He could feel how soft his hair was under his hands. The kiss increased and got more intense as they moved inside the flat and closed the door behind them. Sherlock could taste John's mouth and his breath. His tongue touched John's and somewhere in his dizzy head he knew that John was drunk.

\- You're drunk... Sherlock mumbled inside John's mouth

\- Shut up. John mumbled back.

His hands were now under Sherlock's bathrobe, taking it off, taking his shirt off, searching for naked skin. When John's hands reached his skin a sound came from his mouth that he didn't know he could make. A groan of pleasure. In his head small words said to him, they weren't supposed to do this. I shouldn't have feelings for him. But I do have feelings for him. I do love him. Oh god, I love him. And this, can I give this up now? No. It's too sweet. Sherlock let go of his thoughts and he realized that his hands had got a life of their own, they were unbuttoning John's shirt. Now they both stood half naked in front of each other and the kissing stopped. Sherlock looked at John's chest and reach out and touched him gently. When his fingertips touched John's skin a murmur escaped John's lips. It appeared that the slightest touch of Sherlock's fingers took his breath away and made his body tremble. This made Sherlock smile a crooked smile. He liked to hear him sound like that. Sherlock grabbed around John's waist and pulled him closer. He searched for John's mouth and kissed him tenderly. Feeling John's naked chest against his own gave Sherlock an explosion of emotions. John moaned loudly inside his mouth and the emotions increased. He started to kiss him more eagerly.

John's fingers searched up on Sherlock's arms and stopped at his neck, smoothly he played with the small curls on his neck and sent chills through Sherlock's body. He knew how much he wanted John and the desire grew deeper with every breath they took. They were breathing heavily and for a brief moment they stopped kissing. They looked deep into each other's eyes. John's eyes were dark and he challenged Sherlock with his eyes only. With a frown John took his hand and stroked it outside Sherlock's pyjama pants, feeling him. John frowned as Sherlock groaned. He was breathing fast and at the same time he was breathless with anticipation. He yearned for John's touch. John's hand moved from outside the pants to inside them, now really feeling him. At this point Sherlock didn't know how he remained standing, his legs felt weak and his body was trembling, shaking as every thought disappeared. All he felt now was John.

John's hand moved up and down and it was almost more pleasure than Sherlock could handle. His body was revolting and he couldn't recall feeling anything like this ever before. He was feeling everything but he was hungry for more, he wanted more. John pulled down his pants and now there weren't any secrets left, he was standing naked in front of the man he knew he loved. Sherlock was breathing faster and more heavily than John now and John frowned at him, looking at all of him, his naked body. He liked what he saw and his eyes grew darker with desire. John held a firm grip around him, still moving up and down, slowly. Then John searched for Sherlock's mouth and kissed him deeply. He moved down and started to kiss his way down from Sherlock's neck, to his chest, over his belly and further down. Sherlock stopped breathing and moaned loudly when John took him in his mouth. Playing, tasting, teasing, taking him deep and playing with the tip. At this point Sherlock needed to reach out and take a hold of the bookshelf to remain standing.

\- John... s-s-stop... Sherlock stuttered, breathing hard, not wanting to come just yet.

John stopped and went back up to Sherlock's mouth, kissing him hard.

Sherlock pulled down John's pants, wanting to feel all of him now. He pressed his body against John's. John was hot and hard and Sherlock wanted to feel him, move him, make him moan. He stroked his hands against John's waist and then he grabbed him in his big hand. When he started to move it John moaned loudly, panting inside his mouth. Sherlock frowned when he heard how he could make John sound just with the movement of his hand. He increased the intensity of his movements and John groaned more than once. Then Sherlock stopped. John opened his eyes and kissed him. Sherlock started to walk backwards and took John with him, his chest against John's, still kissing him. And when they reached the sofa their legs couldn't stand anymore. They ended up tangled around each other. They couldn't stop touching, feeling and kissing. It was all about emotions now. Nothing else mattered. Sherlock was still holding a firm grip around John and John was doing the same to Sherlock. Both moving at the same pace. Sherlock didn't know how long he could take it, it was all too much, all he ever wanted. More than he ever imagined. He didn't know that his body could feel this... alive.

\- I want you Sherlock, John moaned inside Sherlock's mouth, inside me. Oh god, just take me.

And that's all that was needed. Sherlock turned John around and pushed inside him. John gasped with pleasure. At first Sherlock was perfectly still but soon he started to move his hips. Being inside John was something new, something amazing and something he wanted to do for the rest of his life. He reached for John and started to move his hand, wanted to help him too. Sherlock couldn't stand it any longer, and neither could John. The feelings took over and their orgasms grew larger. Screaming out their lust. Then everything stood still for a moment. All they could hear was them breathing heavily. They both ended up on the sofa, panting, sweating and sweetly kissing. They were both feeling more alive than they had ever felt before


	6. Chapter 6

I can't feel my arm and there's something heavy lying on my chest. Where am I? On the sofa? Why am I here? Sherlock woke and found himself on the sofa. When he opened his eyes he could see John lying on his chest. He was naked. John was naked and they were tangled around each other. Memories from last night started to come back to him. At first Sherlock felt a panic rising up inside him but then he glanced at John's sleeping face. He looked so peaceful and suddenly all the panic was gone. His arm was aching but he didn't want to move, didn't want to wake him. He leaned his head against John's hair and felt John's scent in his nose, breathing him in. Then he gently kissed John's forehead. When his lips touched John's skin John started to move a little. Sherlock froze, still not wanting to wake him. But John opened his eyes and looked up at Sherlock.

\- Hey you... John whispered.

\- Hey, Sherlock whispered back, I didn't want to wake you.

They both looked each other, their eyes fixed. Sherlock felt his face burning and he knew that this must be him blushing, but he'd never experienced it before. What do I say now? What do we do? How does anyone move forward after sleeping with their best friend? What is he thinking? Does he regret this? Oh god, I hope he doesn't, cause this... all this... being with him, I've never felt more alive.

\- Are you ok Sherlock? John said and his voice was shaking...

\- Yes... I'm fine. You.

\- Fine. John said. Are you... blushing..?

Sherlock looked down feeling the heat in his face increase even more. He chuckled nervously. Then they didn't speak for a while. Both of them, lying awake, thinking of what happened. John's silence made Sherlock even more nervous. He felt exposed lying naked beside John. He wanted to run away but John was still lying on his arm.

\- What... happened John...?

\- We... had sex...

Silence again. Sherlock nodded slightly. John started to run his fingertips over his chest. It felt so nice and his skin tingled.

\- Have you... been with... Sherlock started.

\- A man before? John continued.

\- Mm...

\- Yes I have.

Silence again. The air felt thick. They did not look at each other.

\- Have you...? John said

Sherlock waited for John to continue but he didn't.

\- Had sex or been with a man...?

\- Both...?

\- Yes and then... no.

\- So, yes, you've had sex and no, not with a man...?

\- Yes.

Silence. Sherlock moved his aching arm a bit and John's head moved up to Sherlock's chest. John's hand was wrapped around him. Sherlock started to stroke John's hair gently.

\- So... how did we end up here, John asked.

\- I... don't know... you kissed me.

\- Yes... but you kissed me first, twice!

Silence.

\- I did... didn't I...?

\- Yes! You did. Why did you kiss me Sherlock?

Sherlock could hear John's voice rising up, like he was frustrated. His body felt tense beside him, not as relaxed as a moment ago and Sherlock didn't like it. Somehow he knew that at this point he needed to tell the truth.

\- Because, I am only whole when you're with me John Watson. Without you I am shattered and you're putting the pieces together. You make me whole John. You keep me right. And... I am in love with you.

Saying it out loud was easier than he'd thought, but still one of the hardest things he'd ever done. He didn't plan to say it like that. He didn't plan to say all of that. It just came out when he opened his mouth. And now it was out and he couldn't take it back. He felt vulnerable. And John didn't reply immediately. Sherlock could feel him hold his breath and then exhale slowly.

\- Oh god Sherlock. I don't know what to say...

Every trace of hope died in Sherlock. John had been drunk last night. And now... he didn't feel the same. A big lump started to form inside him. This was it... the end of Watson and Holmes as they knew it. There was no way going back from this.

\- How long...? John said and cleared his throat.

\- Since the day... that day you killed the cabbie and saved my life.

\- That's like the first day we met.

\- Yes.

More silence and Sherlock felt that something had changed between them, something had frozen. John was perfectly still on his chest. He was so close but still so far away. Then John moved and sat up. Sherlock looked up at him. This was it. It ended here. It was over. And without looking at Sherlock, John stood up.

\- I can't do this now. It's too much. I need time, John said.

Then he turned around and faced Sherlock and said with sadness in his eyes.

\- I'm... I'm so sorry Sherlock.

He turned away, picked up his clothes and rushed out of the apartment, leaving Sherlock shattered in small pieces, not able to put himself back together.

John's head was aching as he walked through Hyde Park, from the hangover and also all the thoughts that were jumbled inside his brain. Last night. What the hell had they been doing? Kissing, touching, having sex. Oh god. I had sex with Sherlock. How did that happen? What do I feel about it now? Wasn't I dating Sophie? I thought I was. But I haven't heard from her in days, not since the day I heard about Mycroft's accident. I haven't called her, she hasn't called me. So I guess that's over. But this with Sherlock. Really. I can't wrap my head around it. I just don't know what to think about it. Pictures and memories from their night together kept flashing in front of his eyes. Sherlock's body. Sherlock's hair. Him in his hand. His hand holding...oh god! Sherlock naked. Him naked. Tangled around each other. John shook his head as he tried to make the pictures go away. But it was all stuck in his head and it played over and over again. The pictures started rushing faster and faster and it made John dizzy and he closed his eyes. Having his eyes closed didn't make it better, no it made it worse. The pictures were clearer when he had his eyes closed. He felt sick.

\- Stop it, just stop it!

He didn't think he'd said it out loud until he realized that people were looking at him funny. Oh god, I've gone mad, he thought. He found a bench and sat down, staring out in front of him. For a very long time he wasn't able to keep one thought straight. He just kept staring while the thoughts and memories were twirling inside his head. He felt numb and cold and alone. More alone now than when he'd come home from the war. More empty. More confused. What did this mean? We can never go back and act like nothing happened because during these past few days too much has happened. Something I never thought was possible has happened between us. And him being fragile and vulnerable. He's been all about his feelings these last few weeks, it's not like him. And inside me I feel things for him that I didn't know I was able to feel. John took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. He looked at his watch and saw that he'd been sitting there for hours. The air was chilly and he couldn't feel his feet or hands. But he hadn't noticed it until now. I need to decide what I want and how I feel about it all, he thought. I must keep all my thoughts straight. So start by asking yourself questions John. John took a deep breath, this was it. Did I like kissing Sherlock? John touched his lips and remembered the feeling of Sherlock's lips against his. Yes. Yes I liked kissing him. He nodded slightly. And did I like having sex with him? John closed his eyes and exhaled. Yes I did. His mind answered straight away. John was surprised that it was an easy question to answer. He thought it would be harder to answer than that but no, he really had enjoyed it and he remembered it all. Every touch. Every trembling feeling. John smiled to himself as the memories came back to him once again. Now the pictures weren't combined with bad feelings, on the contrary actually. He smiled. The last question would be easy to answer, he knew it. Do you have feelings for Sherlock Holmes? John looked up. He took a deep breath. Yes. Yes I have feelings for him. I am in love with him. He stopped and held a hand over his mouth. Oh god. I love him.

Back at 221B Baker Street everything had gone dark. When John had left him that morning time had stopped and every piece had fallen to the floor. Shattered. Broken. Destroyed. He'd been sitting still for a really long time, or was it just a few minutes? He looked out of the window. It was raining. And it was probably not morning. He found himself in his bedroom. He looked at the bed. But sleep wasn't the escape he longed for. Instead he took his belt out from his drawer and went over to the wardrobe. Behind his coat was a hidden shelf and on that shelf was a small box. The hidden box. The forbidden box. The box he stopped using when John moved in. But now he wanted it again. To disappear without taking a step outside. He went out to the living room and sat down in his chair. Did I lock the door? It doesn't matter. I don't care. He took the belt and put it around his upper arm, pulling it tight. He saw the veins grow darker and bigger. Beautiful. He twitched his head and opened the box. Inside was a needle and a small bottle with a liquid in it. He looked at the kit. This was the escape he needed. This was the escape he wanted. He filled the syringe with the liquid. He knew what he was doing. He'd done this before. The needle was sharp and he stroked it against his skin, trying to feel it. He found a vein and pressed the needle through the skin. The sensation was familiar. Slowly he started to push the liquid inside the vein, inside his body. He did it slowly because he liked the feeling when the drugs were running in his veins. When the syringe was half empty the door opened. Sherlock looked up and stopped what he was doing. In the doorway stood John. At first he was smiling but then he saw what Sherlock was doing and the smile disappeared.

\- Oh god Sherlock, stop. Just stop. Please don't do this.

Sherlock looked down at the syringe in his hand and the needle in his arm. He looked back up at John.

\- You're back.

\- Yes I'm back. I am so sorry I left Sherlock. Please stop what you are doing. Please.

John walked slowly up to Sherlock. Taking each step very carefully, so as not to frighten Sherlock. Not wanting him to continue what he'd just stopped doing.

\- Why? Sherlock whispered, tears in his eyes. Why did you leave?

\- I was scared and confused, John said slowly, still walking up to Sherlock. But I am sorry Sherlock, I was a coward and I shouldn't have left you.

John was now just in front of Sherlock and he squatted and put a hand on Sherlock's knee.

\- Sherlock please, don't do this.

\- It's too late, I'm already halfway there.

\- Don't take the rest. Please. For me.

\- It's too late...

\- No, Sherlock, it's not too late. I love you. You hear me? I love you. So please stop. For me.

\- You... what?

\- I love you Sherlock.

And for the first time in a while he looked up and met John's eyes.

\- I...

Silence. John held his breath. The needle was still in Sherlock's arm. It wasn't over yet. John held his breath. He needed to wait for Sherlock now.

\- I... love you too John...

Sherlock started to sob loudly and the needle in his arm fell to the floor. John hurried up to Sherlock. Crawled up in his lap and wrapped his arms around him. Sherlock sobbed and John stroked his hair.

\- I'm sorry John, I'm sorry.

\- Shhhh, don't be sorry. I shouldn't have left you. I'm the one that should be sorry. I will never do it again. I promise.

John was crying too, tears streaming silently down his cheeks. They sat like this until Sherlock stopped crying. Everything in the room went calm and silent.

\- It's not dark anymore, Sherlock whispered. You're putting the pieces back together.

John took a shivery breath and smiled.

\- You're putting mine together too Sherlock.

It smelled of bacon, eggs and freshly brewed tea when Sherlock woke the next morning. John had been sleeping next to him all night. Helped him as the drugs had gone out of his system. Sherlock frowned. He stayed, he thought. When I was shivering and sweating and wanted to die, he was there and held my hand. I never had that before, I have always been alone. But now I have John. John is mine. Of god, he's mine. He is my... boyfriend now. This is big, huge, and I don't even want to run away from it. But now John isn't lying beside me. I think he's the reason it smells so good in our flat right now. He always had a thing about breakfast. Sherlock smiled. What's wrong with me? I feel hungry? I never feel hungry. This is new. Maybe this is the new me, the breakfast eating Holmes. Who'd have thought it huh? Eating has always been Mycroft's thing...

The smile on Sherlock's face faded when his thoughts turned to Mycroft. They still hadn't got any news... Is it ok for me to be happy when he's in the hospital, barley alive? Sherlock had no answer to that question. Instead he started to miss John's presence. So he got out of bed and put on his bathrobe over his pyjamas. He saw a glimpse of himself in a small mirror on the wall. He had a slightly scruffy beard growing and his hair was a mess. He tried to fix his hair as best as he could, he ruffled the curls with his fingers. Then he went out of the bedroom and into the kitchen to see John.

When John heard the bedroom door open he turned and smiled.

\- Hey you, he said

He had an apron over his pyjamas and held a spatula, behind him the bacon was frying. He looked like Mrs Hudson in that apron and that made Sherlock smile. He looked adorable, handsome and sexy, all at the same time!

\- Hey, Sherlock said frowning, it smells good.

Sherlock walked slowly over to John.

\- You think?

\- Yes I do.

Sherlock was now in front of John. He stroked his hand through John's hair.

\- But not as good as you do, Sherlock said.

John smiled up at Sherlock. Sherlock's hand had stopped when it reached the naked skin of John's neck. He pulled John close and kissed him. John dropped the spatula on the floor and answered the kiss holding his hands on Sherlock's waist.

\- The bacon, John said in Sherlock's mouth, is burning.

\- No, I pulled the frying pan from the hot plate, Sherlock answered still kissing him.

\- How the... never mind...

John stopped talking and the kissing got more and more intense. Sherlock had taken off the apron and John had taken off Sherlock's bathrobe. Sherlock led the way over to his chair, where he sat down and dragged John with him, pulling off his shirt. John pulled off Sherlock's shirt too and was kissing his neck when the door suddenly burst open.

\- Sherlock Holmes, you still haven't fixed your...

Mrs Hudson stopped in the doorway and stared at the scene in front of her.

\- ...phone...?

Mrs. Hudson fell silent and looked at them both. It was clear what they were up to. They were both taken by surprise and tried to cover their half naked bodies. John stood up and almost fell over because he hurried too much and Sherlock tried to look in the other direction. Both were blushing and their lips were dark pink from making out.

\- Mrs Hudson, hi, what a surprise! John said and cleared his throat

Mrs Hudson looked from one to the other and then she smiled a really big smile.

\- Well, that was about time, wasn't it?

She giggled and clapped her hands, and that made Sherlock and John blush even more. Sherlock stood up and went to stand beside John.

\- Oh, don't let me bother you, I'm so sorry to interrupt. If I'd known I would've waited.

She went up to the two of them, hugged them and kissed them on the cheek.

\- I am so happy for you two!

She continued giggling.

\- Why exactly are you here Mrs Hudson? Sherlock said, clearly uncomfortable

\- Oh right yes, I forgot 'cause I got so excited seeing the both of you.

She turned to Sherlock.

\- Your mother called me, you should really get yourself a new phone. It's Mycroft, he's pulled through! He woke up! The hardest bit is over. He's going to be fine!

Neither John nor Sherlock could believe their ears. John smiled a wide and honest smile and Sherlock smiled too, a smaller smile as he stared in front of him.

\- Is this true? John said

\- It's true, Mrs Hudson said.

\- This could be the best news we've had in a long time.

\- The second best for me, Mrs Hudson said.

\- What do you mean? John said.

\- You two, getting together, that's the best news!

She smiled a big smile and patted John's arm. Sherlock was still staring and smiling to himself.

\- So... I'm gonna go now. But I'll be downstairs if you need me.

Mrs Hudson left the two of them alone and closed the door behind her. John turned to Sherlock and embraced him in his arms.

\- Did you hear that Sherlock, he's going to be fine.

Sherlock sighed, wrapped in John's arms, letting go of the shock.

\- Brother mine...

\- He's going to be fine Sherlock!

\- ...is alright!

\- Yes he's alright Sherlock, everything is going to be ok.

Sherlock looked up and met John's eyes. John was smiling and tears were running down his cheeks.

\- Why are you crying...?

\- It's happy tears Sherlock, I'm happy.

\- Oh... alright.

He dried John's tears with his finger.

\- It's all going to be fine?

\- Yes Sherlock, it's all going to be fine.

John reached in and kissed him.

\- Ready for breakfast? John said.

\- Starving, Sherlock smiled.


End file.
